How to Get Your Ex Back: Strategy #3

This is the fouth post in my series on how to get your ex back. If you missed the first 3 posts, you can find them here:

5 Strategies to Help You Win Back Your Ex

To Get Your Ex Back, Be Strong

To Get Back With Your Ex, Give Some Space

Today, let's talk about the third strategy - being flexible.

Often, when we're dealing with relationship problems, we resort to ultimatums. We start barking orders like, "Get the trash out before morning, or I'm dumping it in the driveway!" Well, those kinds of things just usually don't work very well... and they might be part of the reason why your ex left in the first place.

If you've done this in the past (and be honest with yourself - trying to fool yourself isn't going to do anyone any good), yu're going to have to learn a little flexibility. Not only that, but you're going to have to demonstrate to your ex that you've softened a bit, too.

One way you can demonstrate this is very simple (yet very powerful) - listening. Just listening to what your ex has to say, without judgment or prejudice, will go a long way toward helping you get back your ex.

This doesn't just mean looking at your ex and tuning him or her out. You're not fooling anyone - he or she will quickly figure out that you're hearing, but not listening. You actually need to consider what your ex is saying, even if it's not particularly pleasant, and respind with empathy and compassion.

Your ex deserves to be listened to. His or her opinions and feelings are important. And even if your ex needs to tell you about things you've done wrong, understand that he or she dislikes your actions - not you. You can change... and listening to your ex gives you the information you need to know exactly how to change.

Next time, we'll talk about a strategy for getting your ex back that is actually fun (hey, we can't work all the time)!

How to Get Your Ex Back: Strategy #2

This is my third post in the series on how to get your ex back. In case you missed the previous posts, you can find them here:

How to Get Your Ex Back: 5 Strategies

How to Get Your Ex Back: Strategy #1

Today, let's look at the second strategy you'll need to win back your ex:

Give Your Ex Some Space

Sure, this sounds counterintuitive. We've all heard the old saying, "Out of sight, out of mind". So you'd think that you would want your ex to know you're still around, so he or she doesn't forget you, right?

Your ex is not going to forget you. He or she invested time, energy, and emotion into a relationship with you, and that's not going to fade away overnight. It's silly to think that your ex has just completely erased you from his or her mind (even though that's often exactly what we think).

Your ex needs time to work through emotions. The break up wasn't just painful for you. And you're not the only one who needs break up help to deal with this. No matter how your ex appears on the outside, he or she is dealing with a lot of different issues.

Trying to contact your ex too soon is just going to muddy the waters. Your ex hasn't had time to put everything into perspective yet, and isn't emotionally ready to tackle some of the issues that will need to be addressed before the two of you can get back together.

Contacting your ex too quickly also demonstrates neediness. I've said countless times on other blogs and websites... Your ex doesn't want someone who is an emotional mess. Appearing needy and unstable isn't going to get you anywhere. Your ex wants a partner... not someone to take care of.

Thre isn't any "magic number" that will tell you how long is long enough. A good rule of thumb is to give your ex one month before you make contact... if you had a long relationship that ended with a bout of ugly drama and temper-tantrums... your ex will probably need more time. But more importantly, you need that time too... whether you realize it or not.

Next time, we'll look at the third strategy for getting your ex back. This strategy is a challenge for both men and women... but it can make the difference between whether you get your ex back, or whether you end up alone.

Welcome to How to Get Ex Back

If you've lost your spouse bacause of marital problems, it can feel like your world has come crashing down around you. "How to Get Ex Back" is here to help you get your marriage back on track, even if you're the only one who wants to work on the relationship right now.



You see, I've been where you are now. I understand the feelings of hurt, resentment, anger, and guilt that come with a marital breakup. It's draining and utterly debilitating. You don't know where to turn, and you wish there was just some sort of "magic wand" you could wave over the siuation to make it all better again.

I can't offer you a magic wand (no one can), but I can offer you the next best thing - a plan that will help you restore your marriage, even if your ex isn't ready to start working on it yet. It does take an investment of time, energy, and yes, work... but isn't it worth it to save the relationship you and your spouse once enjoyed so much?

My best advice is to start with Dr. Lee Baucom's Save the Marriage course. It's cheaper than a dinner out, and it has helped more couples than I could count restore their relationships.

You and your spouse don't have to read it together - even if your partner isn't willing to work on the relationship right now, you can use it yourself to learn the techniques to get your ex back. Don't worry, the techniques will bring your spouse around.

After you've read Save the Marriage, be sure to check back here often - I look forward to using "How to Get Ex Back" to help you and your partner rekindle your relationship!