How to Get Your Ex Back: Strategy #1

This is the second in my series of posts showing you how to get back with your ex. In case you missed the first post of the series, you can read it here:

How to Get Your Ex Back: 5 Strategies

In this post, we'll look at the first strategy you can use to set the stage to win back your ex. This can often be one of the most difficult strategies for people, because dealing with a breakup is a highly emotional ordeal. However, the strategy is critical to successfully restoring your relationship.

How to Get Your Ex Back Strategy #1: Be Strong.

When you're trying to get back your ex, it's easy to let your desperation show. You're probably pretty shaken up over the whole thing, after all, and you really just want everything to go back to normal... and the sooner, the better. But if you don't rein in your feelings (at least while you're within earshot of your spouse), you're going to come across as being needy and unstable.

Have you ever been around someone who was so desperate to be accepted that they would do anything to be acknowledged? Think back to grade school, when that one kid would carry your books, follow you around in gym class, buy your lunch and carry it to your table every day... etc. Yeah, it got prety old, pretty quickly.

Being desperate and clingy isn't endearing, and it's not going to win you any points with your ex. Nobody wants to be around someone like that... especially not someone who has recently broken romantic ties with you for (presumably) other reasons.

You need to prove to your ex that you can be strong. More importantly, you need to prove it to yourself. If you're going to get back your ex, you have to be confident in yourself. Strength and confidence comes across in your words, your actions, and even your body language.
Your ex wants someone who can add to his or her life... not someone who has to be taken care of.

So you may be thinking, "Great. I want to get my ex back... but how do I be strong?"

You have to understand that, even if you never speak with your ex again, your life is not over. I'll bet you did just fine for many years before you met him or her. You didn't feel needy and desperate then... so why feel that way now?

What Will Happen if You Never Get Your Ex Back?

Bear with me - I promise this quick exercise will help you win your ex back, strange as it may seem.

If you never speak with your ex again (and that's not going to happen, I'm just using this as an illustration), here's what will happen: You'll feel pretty bad about it all for a while. You'll go through alternating stages of grief, anger, resentment, guilt, self-pity, etc. Your friends will get tired of being around you, because your ex is the only thing you seem to be able to talk about.

One day, you'll decide you've had enough of all of this wallowing in self-pity, and you'll get out of the house and do something that you and your ex would have normally done together... going for ice cream, wandering through the bookstore... whatever. You'll feel tinges of pain, but you'll also feel strangely empowered. You will have gotten part of your life back, and it will feel good!

Little by little, you will realize that you are a complete person, even without your ex. You'll begin enjoying life again, the sadness will slowly fade, and your friends will want to be around you again. One day, you'll wake up and realize that you're fine just as you are!

How Does This Help Me Get My Ex Back?

It's a bit paradoxical... but remember how I said that even if you never saw your ex again, you'd wake up one day and realize you are fine without him or her? That's precisely where you need to be to get your ex back.

Prove to yourself that can stand on your own two feet. There's no reason to wait weeks or months to do this. Start living your life again. By proving to yourself that you're a complete person on your own, you set the stage to get your ex back. He or she will see your strength and confidence, and will start to want to be a part of your life again.

When you're learning how to get back your ex, things aren't always as they seem. The strategies in this series may seem counterintuitive, but they work!

Next time, we'll look at the second strategy you'll need to win back your ex. Hint: There's another paradox coming your way. Be ready. :-)