This is the fouth post in my series on how to get your ex back. If you missed the first 3 posts, you can find them here:
5 Strategies to Help You Win Back Your Ex
To Get Your Ex Back, Be Strong
To Get Back With Your Ex, Give Some Space
Today, let's talk about the third strategy - being flexible.
Often, when we're dealing with relationship problems, we resort to ultimatums. We start barking orders like, "Get the trash out before morning, or I'm dumping it in the driveway!" Well, those kinds of things just usually don't work very well... and they might be part of the reason why your ex left in the first place.
If you've done this in the past (and be honest with yourself - trying to fool yourself isn't going to do anyone any good), yu're going to have to learn a little flexibility. Not only that, but you're going to have to demonstrate to your ex that you've softened a bit, too.
One way you can demonstrate this is very simple (yet very powerful) - listening. Just listening to what your ex has to say, without judgment or prejudice, will go a long way toward helping you get back your ex.
This doesn't just mean looking at your ex and tuning him or her out. You're not fooling anyone - he or she will quickly figure out that you're hearing, but not listening. You actually need to consider what your ex is saying, even if it's not particularly pleasant, and respind with empathy and compassion.
Your ex deserves to be listened to. His or her opinions and feelings are important. And even if your ex needs to tell you about things you've done wrong, understand that he or she dislikes your actions - not you. You can change... and listening to your ex gives you the information you need to know exactly how to change.
Next time, we'll talk about a strategy for getting your ex back that is actually fun (hey, we can't work all the time)!
Showing posts with label save your marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label save your marriage. Show all posts
Sunday, May 10, 2009
Monday, May 4, 2009
How to Get Your Ex Back: Strategy #2
This is my third post in the series on how to get your ex back. In case you missed the previous posts, you can find them here:Today, let's look at the second strategy you'll need to win back your ex:
Give Your Ex Some Space
Sure, this sounds counterintuitive. We've all heard the old saying, "Out of sight, out of mind". So you'd think that you would want your ex to know you're still around, so he or she doesn't forget you, right?
Your ex is not going to forget you. He or she invested time, energy, and emotion into a relationship with you, and that's not going to fade away overnight. It's silly to think that your ex has just completely erased you from his or her mind (even though that's often exactly what we think).
Your ex needs time to work through emotions. The break up wasn't just painful for you. And you're not the only one who needs break up help to deal with this. No matter how your ex appears on the outside, he or she is dealing with a lot of different issues.
Trying to contact your ex too soon is just going to muddy the waters. Your ex hasn't had time to put everything into perspective yet, and isn't emotionally ready to tackle some of the issues that will need to be addressed before the two of you can get back together.
Contacting your ex too quickly also demonstrates neediness. I've said countless times on other blogs and websites... Your ex doesn't want someone who is an emotional mess. Appearing needy and unstable isn't going to get you anywhere. Your ex wants a partner... not someone to take care of.
Thre isn't any "magic number" that will tell you how long is long enough. A good rule of thumb is to give your ex one month before you make contact... if you had a long relationship that ended with a bout of ugly drama and temper-tantrums... your ex will probably need more time. But more importantly, you need that time too... whether you realize it or not.
Next time, we'll look at the third strategy for getting your ex back. This strategy is a challenge for both men and women... but it can make the difference between whether you get your ex back, or whether you end up alone.
Friday, May 1, 2009
How to Get Your Ex Back: 5 Strategies
Trying to get your ex back without a clear-cut strategy is a horrible idea. Almost invariably, trying to "wing-it" will just end up driving your ex further away, and will just make you feel worse.
In this series of posts, we'll look at 5 strategies you can use to get your ex back. You'll have to be ready and willing to implement these strategies, though... I've talked to many people who say, "Well, yeah, I can use one or two of these strategies... but the others just aren't going to work."
This is just stubbornness talking. People always want to think that they're right. But take a minute and ponder this question: If you knew everything there was to know about getting your ex back, you and your ex wouldn't have split in the first place.
I don't mean to sound harsh when I say that. I'm only saying it because I want you to get your ex back. It saddens me to see so many broken relationships and divorces, particularly in times like these where other things (like money and career issues) are so tough. You need someone to lean on and care for - and whether your spouse is willing to admit it or not, he or she needs you just as much.
I also care because there are so many children today dealing with the stress of broken homes. Growing up in today's society is hard enough without the added stress of being raised by parents in two different households. These kids grow up with some pretty negative ideas about relationships... and when they're old enough to get married, they're going to find it very difficult to get past the issues they dealt with as children.
You deserve to be happy. Your children deserve to be happy, and to grow up in a stable, loving home. And your ex deserves to be happy, too. So even if your ex isn't ready to give the relationship another go yet, pay attention to these strategies, and use them. They can help you start to put your marriage back together.
In my next post, we'll look at the first strategy you'll need to get your ex back. It's one of the most important things you can do to save your marriage.
In this series of posts, we'll look at 5 strategies you can use to get your ex back. You'll have to be ready and willing to implement these strategies, though... I've talked to many people who say, "Well, yeah, I can use one or two of these strategies... but the others just aren't going to work."
This is just stubbornness talking. People always want to think that they're right. But take a minute and ponder this question: If you knew everything there was to know about getting your ex back, you and your ex wouldn't have split in the first place.
I don't mean to sound harsh when I say that. I'm only saying it because I want you to get your ex back. It saddens me to see so many broken relationships and divorces, particularly in times like these where other things (like money and career issues) are so tough. You need someone to lean on and care for - and whether your spouse is willing to admit it or not, he or she needs you just as much.
I also care because there are so many children today dealing with the stress of broken homes. Growing up in today's society is hard enough without the added stress of being raised by parents in two different households. These kids grow up with some pretty negative ideas about relationships... and when they're old enough to get married, they're going to find it very difficult to get past the issues they dealt with as children.
You deserve to be happy. Your children deserve to be happy, and to grow up in a stable, loving home. And your ex deserves to be happy, too. So even if your ex isn't ready to give the relationship another go yet, pay attention to these strategies, and use them. They can help you start to put your marriage back together.
In my next post, we'll look at the first strategy you'll need to get your ex back. It's one of the most important things you can do to save your marriage.
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